Doug Heifetz: Rabbi

by Julie on January 23, 2010

The Rabbi

Clearly the most important part of this rabbi’s bio is that we shared our first kiss. I was five, he was four. And I’ve gotta say, I remember it clearly. He’s the kind of guy that makes an impression. He was also one of my best friends and my most magnificent partner in crime for the majority of our single digit years. Here are some other interesting things you should know about him:

Rabbi Doug Heifetz is the rabbi of Oseh Shalom, a 310-household Reconstructionist Jewish community in Laurel, MD. A native of St. Louis, Missouri, Rabbi Heifetz received a Bachelor of Science degree from Georgetown University, where he completed an internationally oriented liberal arts program, focused on Middle Eastern Regional Studies.  He also obtained a Certificate in Peace and Justice Studies.  After graduation, he worked as a union organizer in Washington, D.C. and Kalispell, Montana, helping low-income working people to pursue social justice.

Rabbi Heifetz attended the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College, receiving his rabbinical ordination and Master of Hebrew Letters in 2005, along with certification as a Specialist in the Congregational Rabbinate.  He lived in Israel for a year during his studies at the RRC; served as bet midrash intern, assisting rabbinic students in Jewish text and Hebrew study; and was elected student representative to the RRC Board of Governors.  He received several honors and awards recognizing his scholarship and commitment to social action and justice.  As a student rabbi, he served for two years as the spiritual leader of Congregation Ahavath Sholom in Great Barrington, Massachusetts.  Prior to Oseh Shalom, Rabbi Heifetz also served as the part-time rabbi of the Olney Kehila and as a full-time Jewish studies middle school teacher at the Charles E. Smith Jewish Day School in Rockville.

He is married to Elaine Lippmann, a public interest attorney in Washington DC.  They live in Silver Spring, MD with their two young children, Judah Heifetz Lippmann and Dalya Heifetz Lippmann.

The Interview

The Daily Norm: My readers and I would like to make sure you are, in fact, human – it levels the ‘normalcy’ playing field. So do you eat, go to the bathroom, bleed and cry? We’re happy to hear some proof if you want to supply it…

Rabbi Doug Heifetz: I drink a lot of coffee.  I drink regular in the morning and decaf off-and-on until night.  I’m passionate about fitness and nutrition, and occasionally obsessive.  These days I work out mostly on my front porch.  Although it’s not enclosed, the porch is the only covered space in my house that’s large enough.  I own rubber bumper weight plates so that I can drop the loaded barbell from overhead when I practice the olympic lifts, and then I sprint in the street.  In winter weather I wear a bright orange parka while doing all this.  The neighbors think I’m pretty weird.  I have no idea why they’d think this but they’re all smart people.  Who am I to argue.

I love ice cream.  I especially like ice cream that has big gooey chunks of chocolate, cookie dough, peanut butter cups, etc.  Yes, I’m into nutrition but there has to be room for ice cream sometimes.

Oh, I love to BBQ and it’s one of my longest practiced skills—that’s the Missouri boy in me.

TDN: What’s your daily schedule on a normal day?

RDH: I usually get up with a few words of silent traditional prayer—reinforcing gratitude—around 7 AM, check in on my almost 3-year-old son Judah and my wife Elaine, who nowadays is usually feeding our 2-week-old nursing baby Dalya.  Then of course I make some coffee.  I sometimes read some news headlines on the internet, check e-mail and very often sit in Judah’s room and read him books, sometimes sing with him and eventually entice him to get dressed.  Then it’s breakfast for all of us and I drop Judah off at pre-school.  Afterward I’ll make some key phone calls or write some urgent e-mails as needed and usually work out.  Then I’ll most often prepare some food for the rest of the day and drive to the synagogue.

Once I arrive, I’m in meetings with staff members, individuals, couples, bar/bat mitzvah students, synagogue volunteers, colleagues and community partners.  In the afternoons and evenings I teach religious school classes and adult education, participate in synagogue committee meetings, and get home for more family time as soon as I can.  I study, write sermons and notes for talks, columns for the congregation’s newsletter, lesson plans, occasional blog posts and thank you notes at other times.

On weekends of course there’s Shabbat services (Friday night and Saturday AM), usually Saturday afternoon family time at home, Sunday religious school, board meetings, baby namings, etc.

TDN: Name one thing that you have to do on a regular basis that you despise. What lengths would you actually go to, in order to delete it from your schedule?

RDH: I hate organizing paperwork and filing.  Typically I’ll let large amounts of papers pile up in a box next to my desk and organize it a few times a year.  Okay, sometimes less than a few times a year.  Increasingly I avoid printed paper when I can.  I just don’t like it.  I don’t know what to do with it, it clutters my space and I don’t like to write by hand because I’m very slow and sometimes I can barely read my own handwriting.

TDN: What would you change about your work, industry, profession or self if you could change anything?

RDH: I wish that I had more time for study and more regular opportunities to meet with with rabbinic colleagues and exchange ideas.  I work as a solo rabbi, so I have to seek out opportunities.  When it does happen I nearly always feel charged up and inspired.

TDN: Is there any life stage or event you would have skipped (like geometry) on the way to where you are now? Would it have been missed?

RDH: I still feel a bit embarrassed that, as a teen, I did such silly and occasionally destructive things.  A friend and I dyed the school swimming pool with two quarts of food coloring.  It turns out that it cost the school many hundreds of dollars to clean it up, much of which I had to pay back.  I almost didn’t graduate because of that little episode.  I was often aimless in those days and—worse yet—somewhat ashamed of my aimlessness.  I wonder if I might’ve avoided some of that phase somehow.

Ultimately, though, those years helped inform the path ahead.  Hopefully I’m a more patient, understanding and helpful parent, friend and rabbi because of that life phase and other challenges I’ve met along the way.

TDN: What was your main stepping stone to getting to where you are today? (Person, place, thing, luck, pluck, virtue?)

RDH: So many family members, friends, teachers and even strangers have helped me at countless turns.  Here’s one incident that stands out in my mind:

In high school, an eminent Jewish historian and writer in our neighborhood advertised for a gardener.  I loved Jewish history, so I applied and he hired me.  My elderly employer would come outside to direct my work and hold long conversations with me.  One day we found a dead bird on the lawn.  “Damn,” he said with his stern European accent, “we will have to scrape it up.”  He picked up the bird with a rake.  “We’ll give it to the neighbor,” he declared, flinging it over the fence, “he’s a bastard!”  I loved the old man in part because of his very colorful personality and his unabashed eccentricity.

When the writer died several years later, the main speaker at his funeral said that my deceased employer had exemplified every good quality; he had even supposedly been a great neighbor.  I knew otherwise–I was his lawn boy.  The eulogy told no stories about my friend and lost sight of the man’s true personality.  I felt bereft not only because of his death but also because of his absence that I sensed in an empty list of qualities.

Just as I needed to hear the stories about my friend’s colorful personality, I believe that most of us can powerfully encounter the Divine—and sense a Godly presence in our lives—by really getting to know other people, their stories and what makes them unique.

The Talmud uses a parable to illustrate this point: “When a human king mints many coins from one mold, they are all alike.  But when the Holy One, the King of Kings, fashioned all humans in the image of their primordial ancestor, not one of them resembled another.”  That is to say, when we begin to see the unique individual and their story—we understand that they’re not just another copy like those coins printed by human kings.  Then we arrive at a sense of something great beyond words and beautiful, a Godly presence in the universe behind that unique personality.  When we don’t understand what makes someone unique—when an individual seems like just another person from a basic mold—we’re likely missing out on this Divine presence in the human interaction.

In my rabbinate I try to keep this principle in mind.  I draw from people’s unique stories as the basis for celebration, community-building and mourning.  I seek to help others to tell their stories and to connect them with ancient, powerful framing narratives and with a broader community.

TDN: What word or phrase do you say most often?

RDH: Here’s a few:
–“Would the congregation please rise if you’re able.”
–In Hebrew: ”Judah, please don’t throw that on the floor”
–”Sorry, I’m not eating [insert the refined carbohydrate here] these days.”

TDN: What is your single biggest accomplishment?

RDH: Right now I’m very proud that I helped Elaine—even if only a little bit—to get through natural childbirth.

TDN: Is there anything that you can’t live without? (besides food, water and oxygen)

RDH: Internet access, singing, solid protein sources, lots of veggies, berries & coconut milk.

TDN: What’s the best part of your life?

RDH: My family, my congregation and fitness.

TDN: And have you figured out how to get more of it?

RDH: I’m still trying to figure out how to better merge fitness and congregational life, to frame the spirituality of exercise and to better evoke the physicality of Jewish tradition.  Also, social justice work doesn’t play as great an active role in my life as it once did and I hope to take steps to increase that.

TDN: What is your ultimate motivation tool? (We won’t hold it against you if it’s ‘The Eye of the Tiger)

RDH: The Eye of the Tiger is right up there. How’d you know?! Aside from that, when I’m preparing for events (life-cycle events, religious services, meetings, teaching, etc) I think about the people whom I’m serving.  I think about the importance of the occasion for the community and the individuals involved.  I remind myself of how this particular life-cycle event, meeting, holiday, Shabbat, etc. fits into the story of the community or the individuals at the center of the event.  The thoughts help to focus me and to shape the content of what I prepare.  Also, when I think about how hard many of our synagogue volunteers work, I’m motivated to honor their commitment through my own efforts.  And a cup of coffee often helps.

TDN: Who do you most admire and why?

RDH: I admire Moses Maimonides, the 12th century Jewish sage who lived in Muslim Spain and North Africa.  He masterfully drew on ancient Jewish tradition to inform and enrich contemporary life and to participate in a sophisticated, multicultural philosophical discourse.  He provides a great role-model and key figure for Muslim-Jewish dialogue today.  He wrote prolifically but never lost sight of the communities he served and the needs of ordinary people.

TDN: If someone wanted to be you or do what you do, what would you say to them?

RDH: Work hard to overcome pride and to learn from everyone, not least of all those whom you might assume to be less knowledgeable than you.

Links for more on the Rabbi:

www.oseh-shalom.org
www.TheRavBlog.com

{ 2 comments }

Alisa Bowman: Writer, Marriage Ass-Kicker

by Julie on November 25, 2009

alisaAlisa Bowman: Writer, Marriage Ass-Kicker

Alisa is one of those gems that I found on Twitter that turned into a real friend. It was hard not to get addicted to her and her ProjectHapillyEverAfter blog when the premise revolves around her plotting how exactly to off her husband, and then, instead, deciding to make a project out of saving her marriage. Some of my favorite advice? Whenever there’s turbulence, just give him a blowjob. I mean, really – how can you deny the power of those words?

I’m thrilled to let you all know that Project: Happily Ever After (the book) will be released by Running Press in February, 2011—just in time for Valentine’s day. And that Alisa is a highly sought after ghostwriter – having penned nearly 30 titles, 6 of which have been New York Times Bestsellers including: Back to Life After a Heart Crisis (Avery 2010), The Skinny (Broadway 2009), The 90 Second Fitness Solution (Atria 2008), Stop Aging, Start Living (Crown 2007).

You can also read Alisa on Ghostwriting Revealed (yes, that’s a blog about ghostwriting) and SexIs (yes, that’s a sex column).

The Interview

The Daily Norm: My readers and I would like to make sure you are, in fact, human – it levels the ‘normalcy’ playing field. So do you eat, go to the bathroom, bleed and cry?

Alisa Bowman: My taste buds adore flavor—the stronger the flavor the better. I love olives, anchovies, garlic, butter, burgers, guacamole, sea salt, cayenne pepper, jalapenos, curry, margaritas, extremely hoppy beer and dry red wine. I tend to overdo it on the eating part of life, which means that I’m constantly mulling over the idea of forcing my body to fit back into my clothes.  I manage to pull off the Incredible Shrinking Body Routine once a year, usually in the spring.

Then I soon gain back the same 5 pounds and my clothes are tight again. Because of this, I spent a good portion of the year living in sweatpants, as they are the only clothes that don’t make me feel like a stuffed sausage. This all causes me to feel a bit inadequate, considering the fact that I’ve ghost written a number of best-selling diet books and here I am gaining and losing the same 5 pounds over and over again.

As for crying—I seem to require a good snot-clearing catharsis about once a season. In the middle of the night after I learned I’d gotten the book deal for Project: Happily Ever After, for instance, I woke up with tears in my eyes, got out of bed, grabbed a box of tissues, and heaved big sloppy girly tears for a good hour or so. My eyes were swollen puffy the next day, but I told everyone that it was from allergies. I was too embarrassed to admit that a good thing—getting a book deal—had reduced me to those types of tears.

But that’s how I am. I never know what will set off my tear response. I cried the same sloppy tears the night after my daughter was born. I cried them at the end of reading A Thousand Splendid Suns.

Certain types of music will move me to tears. And, it must be said, I’ve cried during every single one of my daughter’s holiday pageants.

TDN: What’s your daily schedule on a normal day?

AB: I get up around 6 a.m. with the intention of meditating. Sometimes I check email instead. I check Feedburner every single morning so I can see how many people have subscribed to my blog in the past 24 hours. On Mondays, my stats always fall by about 200 subscribers and I, without fail, go to the, “Crap I must have really offended them! OMG! What should I do about it?!” place. Then on Tuesday the stats are back up and I’m like, “Oh, phew, people still love me. That’s a relief.”

The rest of the morning is about breakfast and getting my 5 year old ready and off to Kindergarten.

Once back at home, I write. I write books. I write magazine articles. I write blog posts. I write essays. I write all day long. Periodically I take breaks to 1) drink tea 2) walk the dog 3) run 4) look out the window 5) Twitter 6) eat 7) ponder whether my life is on the right track.

Then, in the evening, I either have family time or personal time (book club, girl’s night out, a dinner date with a friend). Sometimes, after my daughter is in bed, I check email, do more Twitter, work on my blog and generally bow to the shrine that is my computer. Other times I cuddle with my husband while we watch gory crime shows on TV. I’m usually in bed by 10 p.m.

TDN: Name one thing that you have to do on a regular basis that you despise. What lengths would you actually go to, in order to delete it from your schedule?

AB: I hate scooping my dog’s poop. I use old newspaper and grocery store bags. I’m almost certain that these companies have been using cheaper bags due to recession. Sometimes the bags have holes in them. That’s a bad dog-walking day when the bag has a hole in it, that’s for sure.

I have a very elaborate system for getting my dog to poop in places that won’t require scooping—such as the big empty lot that no one seems to care about.  I try to slow down my pace at such places—giving him every chance in the world to poop there. I say things like, “Go to the bathroom” over and over again, because I’m neurotic and I like to imagine that my dog understands things like that. Usually he decides he’s just not feeling it at that moment. Then, at the next house, he drops his load and I’m like, “Are you TRYING to torture me?!”

TDN: What would you change about your work, industry, profession or self if you could change anything?

AB: I embrace change and am continually changing myself into a new person. At the moment, I’m trying to become a more compassionate, loving being. I’m also trying to become more passionate in bed. I also wish I had more energy and that I worried a lot less than I do. Those latter two things are directly related, because the unnecessary worry saps my energy.

As for what I would change about my profession, it would have to be the value people place on writing. I’ve managed to make a good living as a writer, but many writers don’t, and it’s not necessarily because they lack the talent. It depresses me that so many large websites ask professional writers to write for free or for sweatshop wages. It should be illegal to pay $5 for a blog post—considering the fact that it takes most people an hour or more to write one. That’s less than the minimum wage. High school dropouts can earn more by flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant.

TDN: Is there any life stage or event you would have skipped (like geometry) on the way to where you are now? Would it have been missed?

I’ve had some traumatic things happen to me that I don’t like to talk about or think about, but I would not undo them. They’ve shaped me into who I am, and I strongly believe that they’ve made me a better writer. People who read my blog often write to me and tell me that I make them feel normal and understood. I think that’s because I know pain, and knowing pain helps me to empathize with others.

That said, I would definitely skip that stage in school (roughly 7th grade through 12th) when I felt like a complete dork. I was a shy, introverted kid, and I always thought that the other kids were making fun of me behind my back. I also had terrible self- esteem. I thought I was ugly. I thought I was fat. I thought I was a dweeb. I thought this so strongly that I rarely allowed someone to take a photo of me, and most of the photos that people did take I later threw away. Sometimes I look at some of the few photos that I do have from this time period and I think, “Why did you think you were fat and ugly? You so were not.”

TDN: What was your main stepping stone to getting to where you are today? (Person, place, thing, luck, pluck, virtue?)

AB: During my sophomore year of college, I had the privilege of taking a class from a visiting professor who’d once been the editor in chief of a small, but incredibly well respected newspaper—one that had won a number of Pulitzers. I missed the first week of class because my maternal grandmother had died, and I spent most of that semester in a deep depression. He seemed to understand my grief implicitly. Toward the end of the semester, I mentioned that I was struggling to find a summer internship. He said that he knew the editor in chief at a Colorado newspaper. He picked up the phone, called this editor, told him that I was “one of his best students” and suggested that he would be lucky to have me as an intern. That internship led to me landing another one at a larger paper—the one that eventually hired me upon graduation.

Later in my career, an editor hired me to work on his biggest book of the year. The entire publishing house had high hopes for the book, and everyone all the way up to the company CEO had their fingers in the dough. It was only the second book I’d ever ghosted, so I was honored that he trusted me enough to handle such an important project for him. That book was my first best seller. It launched my ghosting career in a big way.

Of course, I’d be totally remiss if I didn’t mention the impact of that my almost-failed marriage had on my career. If I hadn’t have once thought my husband dead and then done the hard work to save my marriage, I would never have started doing the type of writing I am doing today. I had no idea that experiential writing was inside of me until I had the marriage experience to write about. Once I started writing about my marriage, I couldn’t stop. The essays, blogs and life stories seemed to ooze out of every orifice. Now it’s hard for me to imagine NOT doing this type of writing. It seems as if this is what I was born to do—to share these experiences with others.

TDN: What word or phrase do you say most often?

AB: I’d love to tell you that it’s “blowjob,” but I abuse the words “actually” and “really.” I actually think that I really do. Like that.

TDN: What is your single biggest accomplishment?

AB: I am proud of many accomplishments. I’ve written best sellers. I’ve run marathons. I’ve delivered speeches that have gotten the audience rolling on the floor laughing, despite my incredible fear of public speaking. I’ve launched a successful business. I’ve taught myself the finer points of the US tax code. I even once helped to put out a real fire.

On my deathbed, though, when I look back over my life, I will be most thankful for one thing–that I took the time to get pregnant and have a baby. It’s not as if I had to work all that hard to get the egg and sperm to unite and then eventually grow into a baby. But that baby? She’s my gift from God.

TDN: Is there anything that you can’t live without? (besides food, water and oxygen)

AB: I love words. I love how they sound. I love the process of stringing them together. I love trying to use them to accomplish certain feats—to get people to laugh, to think, to emote. I love working with words in a way that some people love playing video games. It’s timeless for me. It’s joy. If I couldn’t write, I’d probably end up in a mental health ward.

TDN: What’s the best part of your life?

AB: That it’s mine to live, and that I have found a way to get paid to do something I love to do.

TDN: And have you figured out how to get more of it?

AB: I’m constantly imagining types of projects that I want to work on—books I want to write, authors who I’d like to work with, stories I’d like to tell. Once I know what I want, I create a map that will get me from where I am and to that writing goal. On my good days, I believe that anything is possible for me. That belief allows me to persistently take one step after another toward that goal. Yes, sometimes I get sidetracked. Sometimes I get lost. But it’s the belief that anything is possible coupled with the persistence that arises from that belief that always, without fail, gets me back on the right path.

TDN: Who do you most admire?

AB: I admire many people. I admire other writers—Malcolm Gladwell, Elizabeth Gilbert, Joyce Carol Oates, Joan Didion, Gloria Steinem, David Sedaris, Nora Ephron, Barbara Kingsolver—for their craft—how they use words, how they tell stories, how they argue a point. I admire certain spiritual leaders—especially people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi for teaching us to never give up on good. And I admire many regular every day people for making me laugh, for allowing me to feel loved, and for encouraging me to be the best person that I can be.

TDN: What is your ultimate motivation tool?

AB: Myself. I am my own boss from hell.

TDN: If someone wanted to be you or do what you do, what would you say to them?

AB: Do it because you love it, and not because you want to make money, become famous, or earn the respect of others. Writing isn’t about you and it’s not about your ego. It’s about joy and it’s about making a difference. If you write for others—to help them, to make them feel normal, to lighten their load, to brighten their day–success will follow.

To read more from the creator of The Daily Norm…go here.

{ 7 comments }

Andy Mitchell: Producer, Director of Photography, Writer for Documentary Films

November 17, 2009

Andy Mitchell: Producer, Director of Photography, Writer for Documentary Films
Andy Mitchell, or ‘Mitch’ as his friends call him, is a documentary filmmaker who’s worked on films that have won Emmys of all things. A large portion of his time has been spent with National Geographic, but since 2005, he’s worked independently – nabbing the best [...]

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Banker White: Filmmaker, Artist & Activist

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John Grogan, Best-selling author of Marley & Me

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Alexa DiCarlo, Sex Educator, Sex Worker and Sex Worker Rights Activist

October 29, 2009

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My name is Alexa, and I am a 24-year old professional companion based in San Francisco.  I am originally from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and moved to the Bay Area to attend graduate school, where I am working on a degree in human sexuality.  When I [...]

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The Bloggess (Jenny Lawson), Blogger, Mother, Humorist

October 27, 2009

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The Bloggess is a blog favorite who regales us with stories about playing with Guy Kawasaki on Navy aircraft carriers in the middle of the ocean, kidnapping Project Runway’s Tim Gunn and (in)appropriate dosages of Xanax on her own blog. She also writes Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston [...]

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October 20, 2009

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For Chris Velan, arrival at the intersection of experience and opportunity occurred in the form of a phone call from two college friends who were making a documentary about a group of musicians in war-torn Sierra Leone. Although he had been a student of classical guitar from the age of nine and [...]

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Chris Brogan, Social Media’s Real Deal

October 13, 2009

Chris Brogan, (Reader-Proclaimed) King of Social Media

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Drew Jones, Environmental Scientist

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Drew Jones, Environmental Scientist: System Dynamics Modeler & Advocate for Sustainability (specifically)
Andrew (Drew) Jones works with Asheville’s Sustainability Institute, a U.S. not-for-profit organization founded by Donella Meadows. Trained in System Dynamics modeling at Dartmouth College and MIT, Drew  worked on the 1993 “Greening of the White House” as part of Rocky Mountain Institute and in [...]

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